Ahh, if only we had the life. You know- the money, the cars, the status; the things available to those who live luxuriously doing the job they love. I'm talking about being the ultimate symbol of man: an athlete. I was watching the Tyra Banks show and the topic was male athletes and relationships. Initially, I wasn't going to talk about this because the topic is so overrated, but I felt it was partially one sided, and needed to be addressed. I tuned in at half-time (pun intended), but I caught the most important segment: Oh yes, the groupies!
There were three ladies on stage, all whom professed their physical attraction to the male athlete, NBA players in particular. They had no qualms about making it priority to be in the right place at the right time in order to meet them. However, no one considered themselves a groupie. One, a self-proclaimed "tom-boy" said her attraction to athletes was a result of having four older brothers. Understandable; but what isn't so clear is her choice to wait outside the locker room after games. This is the first lesson in Groupie 101. The other two ladies disagreed whole-heartedly with Ms. Tom Boy and explained they never wait outside locker rooms, and that players approach them, not vice verse. Also understandable, but if this is truly the case, and she is not a groupie, why appear on the Tyra Banks show to begin with, especially when the topic is about NBA players and "groupies?" Perhaps these women went on the show for their own personal gain. I can't blame them, it definitely says alot about the entertainment business and upholds the Hollywood virtue no publicity is bad publicity. Before making the assumption that I believe these women are in fact groupies, I will discuss the NBA players' wives and what they had to say about these type of women.
NBA star Doug Christie and his wife, Jackie, have the traditional understanding between most players and their wives: they vow never to cheat and have established trust, blah blah blah. I am not discounting this is true, but I think it is typical in any marriage, and as much as we want to concede, being married to an athlete is different than being married to a non-athlete or celebrity, or socialite for that matter. Of course any man can cheat, but the only way women are going to be waiting at Jon Doe's hotel room is if he makes the arrangements. Just when I thought this was going to be the typical NBA wife talk, along comes Utah Jazz NBA player Andrei Lopatova and his wife Masha. They have an agreement in which Andrei gets a "free pass" once a year to sleep with another woman if the urge arises. Excuse me? I was shocked when I heard this statement. Not because I think it is a stupid idea for her marriage, if it works for her, then it works for her; who am I to judge. Reasoning behind the "agreement" is what bothered me. She made the statment, more than once, that it is in a man's nature to want to be with other women, and that she understands her husband has needs. In her defense, Andrei states he has never taken her up on the offer and has no desire too, and Masha doesn't have the agreement for herself because she is satisfied at home.
Now, for my point of view(finally! I hate giving synopses!). I actually side with all of the women on Tyra's show. There has to be a certain level of understanding and trust for professional athlete marriages to work. And for some, giving a "free pass" may be the ultimate symbol of trust. In this case the woman is confident enough in her husband that she can make this type of agreement and her husband never cheat; whereas with many similar marriages, it is absolutely out of the question to agree on those terms, he cheats anyway, then lies about it and ultimately makes an ass out of himself (i.e. Kobe Bryant). What works for one marriage may not work for another, but Masha's statement regarding a man's nature to want other women must be addressed. As I have always said in the past, women and men are wired differently in terms of sex and love, but that does not mean it is natural for men to cheat. All men cheat: Yes. Is it in their nature? No. The ideal of what it means to be a man is not an innate ability given at birth, it is a social condition that has taken residency, particularly in American culture. For a woman to believe men are genetically designed to have sex outside of a monogamous relationship is a lifetime free pass, not just once a year. More importantly, this conclusion does not encourage female independence in intimate relationships. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. IT IS NOT OK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND TO CHEAT.
At the same time, I think it is a supression of common sense to think any one couple in the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, etc is immune from adultery because they have trust. I know it is a major part of any relationship, dishonesty is my own personal enemy #1. However, women in these type of relationships must be realistic of the lifestyle they enter when involved with a professional athlete; there are women who know you are a wife, and still want your husband. This brings me to my next point, Why was this show only about groupies and not the men who actually have sex with them. Athletes know better than any "groupie" that there is a wife and children at home. Why does the stigma fall on the women as if athletes are drugged, seduced, made to buy lavish gifts, or have a secret rendevous? Do they not think of their family, or their career and reputation (i.e. Kobe Bryant)? Everyone is an adult in this type of situation. A woman can be standing outside the locker room naked, but the man that respects and loves you as the woman in his life will leave her standing as if she is the ugliest woman on earth. Of course, he will look, stare, gawk, and probably talk about it with the boys, but he will be loyal. No amount of money or status is worth any woman defining her relationship by the material things she receives, not even a $4 million dollar pink diamond ring. No man is ever sorry for cheating, only sorry that he gets caught. To say it was a mistake demoralizes the woman he slept with because he wasn't sorry when he slept with her. And for those women who call "groupies" skanks, tramps, or the like, I pose a question: what does that make the athlete who knowingly sleeps with her? Do not be ignorant in the form of denial, then hide it in the form of acceptance and forgiveness: the result will be you apologizing more to yourself than the man who cheated on you.
In closing, I want to comment on why I do not totally disagree with the women labeled as "groupies." To paraphrase, just because a woman did not play in the sandbox, or go to high school/college with a professional athlete before she becomes involved with him, does not make her a groupie. Standing outside the locker room is a stretch, but then again, who really is the groupie if the athlete knows exactly where to find her? I understand there are women who want athletes exclusively for the things mentioned earlier in this piece, but if athletes are more proactive by not participating in this type of behavior, groupies will become less of a concern everywhere. That statement is more idealogical than rationale, so the rest is really up to the the athletes and those who love to love them.
