Answer: the Black guy in the white shirt I encountered on the train last night.
I'm waiting for the A train, on my way to a bday celebration at Cafe Charbon in the Lower East Side. It's Saturday night and I'm feeling good (thanks to Bacardi and Captain Morgan), looking good (thanks to Old Navy), and smelling good (many thanks to Dior). Now, if you live in NY and are single, it's always a pleasant surprise when cuties get in the same train car. Tonight was no exception. I'm sitting there and three cute Black guys get in the train. Professional looking, a little unkempt, obviously they had been bar-hopping. My night is going great. Then they start talking.
So, the three stooges [hereinafter referred to as "Moe," "Larry," and "Curly"] are having a conversation. The train car is pretty empty, and unfortunately for my ears, they had to endure. Larry asks Moe to tell him about the girl he met. Moe proceeds to describe the girl, and he said, and I quote "She was really pretty, you know, White, and thick, but not Black-girl thick, White-girl thick ..." I know my ears weren't deceiving me, and to confirm, in between the hair color, eye color, type of job, etc. he kept repeating "White-girl thick" and continues to describe the difference. While I'm sitting right there! Curly obviously was the only smart one, relatively speaking, in the group. He didn't say much, I'm sure because he felt uncomfortable that they were talking like that in front of me. The funny thing is, Moe never really said anything descriptive, he just kept saying, "you know "White-girl thick." I just started laughing to myself because they sounded so ignorant.
Finally, the train stopped, I'm thankful I get away from them as I make my way to the F train for the remainder of my trip. Here comes the freaking 3 stooges, behind me. And Moe, he just couldn't help himself, he continues talking about this girl he met and how she was "White-girl thick." I can't say with 100% certainty, but I do believe I heard him reference me as the difference. Was it in a demeaning way, I don't think so, but isn't it demeaning enough to disrespect me as a Black woman by even having that conversation in front of me. I know, Freedom of speech, blah blah blue. There is never a time for inappropriate conversation, especially when you don't know what the hell you are talking about. When I noticed they too were getting on the F train, I purposely made my way to another car. Enough of that bullshit, I'd rather hear the homeless guy tell me how he lost his job this time and ask for money.
This brings me to my point. The debate regarding interracial relationships should never be a discussion because you love who you love, HOWEVER, how can Black men (not all, so if it doesn't apply to you, it's not for you) constantly describe what's wrong with Black women and not expect us to get an attitude when you straight up disrespect us in our face? I just hate it that Black women are stereotyped as angry, chip on our shoulder, mad cause we don't have a man; but please remember every action is a result of cause & effect. Where do you think this "attitude" comes from? Because of stupid remarks like that. Like, really? Is this what guys talk about?? Ok fine, if you talk about it, why do it in front of a Black woman? Or a White woman? Or any woman?! Then you fill this crap in your significant other's head, and she starts walking around describing her and her friends as "White-girl thick" like it's cute. It's not.
All women are beautiful, and we all have beautiful bodies. There is no denying that there are women of races not Black that have thick thighs, butts, and ample breasts, what we call "thick." Knowing many plus models, I see tons of thick White chicks, and other races; but I didn't know it was a difference in terms of what made them thick vs. me? Apparently neither did the 3 stooges because Moe never actually articulated an intelligent answer. If he would have stated his case as to what it meant to be "White-girl thick" vs. "Black-girl thick" I would have still been annoyed, but perhaps my post would be much more different, like, Wow- did you all know there is a new phenom... Instead, I get dumb, dumber, and dumbest, who in all honesty, I was embarrassed for more so than me.
It's just unfortunate. Men. Get it together. Keep your whack ass conversations to yourself. And if you can't do that, I'll be waiting in the wings-blog ready. Oh, and to the girl that met him-Honey save yourself, or you will without a doubt end up telling him to call Tyrone.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Let's Have a Toast...
What makes you feel good about the work you do? Accolades. Raises. Promotions. Yeah, Yeah, that's all good and great, but that only happens to what, like 5% of the workforce population? What really makes you happy at work? That feeling of ultimate accomplishment? Most will never admit it out loud, but that's why I'm here. Getting professional vindication from the douchebags and assholes you have to deal with at work. Thanks Kanye, at least you did something right this year by making that song. Disclaimer: I'm not talking about anyone I physically work with in the office so it's not water-cooler conversation-worthy)
Why is it always that one person at work that just won't let it go. Ever. No matter how good you are at your job, they always question your judgement. It's not my fault you were the average student, never made it on the team, then went to college and became even more obscure. The way to prove yourself is not by making other people's lives at your job more miserable than you. If it sounds like I'm venting, a-duhz.
I recently discovered that out of all the steps I have made in the progress of my career, the absolute highlight is being professionally vindicated against the one person who was intent on making my life a living hell the past several months. I received confirmation in a newspaper article that not only do they NOT know everything, but pretty much that they [and their employer collectively] suck at their job in this one specific area, which happens to be the area I work in. It was absolutely amazing to read. I think I heard violins in the background as my eyes danced across the page.
I really never understood these type of working individuals. You know the kind; they have no control over their lives at home so they overcompensate at work. Big fail ladies and gentlemen. Especially if they think it is going to work on me. We spend most of our lives working, so it is understandable that it won't always be a bed of roses, and sure we all complain here and there, get mad, etc. but overkill is unnecessary. Taking your work seriously is an admirable trait, but let's be honest. Anyone reading this article isn't the CEO of a major corporation (though I believe my readers will get there!), so you can't know it all, it's not logically possible. Even me, i know it's hard to believe, but I don't know it all.
I wrote all of that to say, pick your battles when it comes to work. If you honestly have a question about the validity of something said by a colleague or even boss, it is your right to seek confirmation of accuracy, but to insult one's intelligence? That's how you end up in a newspaper article. At least in my case. I hope you all seek your own professional vindication against the douchebag(s) at your job. You don't have to do much, just sit back; they're like the world's dumbest criminals. Again, at least in my case :-)
Cheers,
Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
Why is it always that one person at work that just won't let it go. Ever. No matter how good you are at your job, they always question your judgement. It's not my fault you were the average student, never made it on the team, then went to college and became even more obscure. The way to prove yourself is not by making other people's lives at your job more miserable than you. If it sounds like I'm venting, a-duhz.
I recently discovered that out of all the steps I have made in the progress of my career, the absolute highlight is being professionally vindicated against the one person who was intent on making my life a living hell the past several months. I received confirmation in a newspaper article that not only do they NOT know everything, but pretty much that they [and their employer collectively] suck at their job in this one specific area, which happens to be the area I work in. It was absolutely amazing to read. I think I heard violins in the background as my eyes danced across the page.
I really never understood these type of working individuals. You know the kind; they have no control over their lives at home so they overcompensate at work. Big fail ladies and gentlemen. Especially if they think it is going to work on me. We spend most of our lives working, so it is understandable that it won't always be a bed of roses, and sure we all complain here and there, get mad, etc. but overkill is unnecessary. Taking your work seriously is an admirable trait, but let's be honest. Anyone reading this article isn't the CEO of a major corporation (though I believe my readers will get there!), so you can't know it all, it's not logically possible. Even me, i know it's hard to believe, but I don't know it all.
I wrote all of that to say, pick your battles when it comes to work. If you honestly have a question about the validity of something said by a colleague or even boss, it is your right to seek confirmation of accuracy, but to insult one's intelligence? That's how you end up in a newspaper article. At least in my case. I hope you all seek your own professional vindication against the douchebag(s) at your job. You don't have to do much, just sit back; they're like the world's dumbest criminals. Again, at least in my case :-)
Cheers,
Let's have a toast for the douchebags,
Let's have a toast for the assholes,
Let's have a toast for the scumbags,
Every one of them that I know
Let's have a toast to the jerkoffs
That'll never take work off
Baby, I got a plan
Run away fast as you can
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Going in Circles
In light of the recent bias attacks that have taken place in NJ/NY (and I'm sure less publicized communities around the world), I feel compelled to write. However, I've written about this before and it's like deja-freaking-vu. I have to take a different direction this time around. Instead of making this post focused on religion or sexual orientation, I'm going to speak in terms that everyone can relate too. After all, you may not be a bible beater or a gay-basher [I know these words are harsh; so is beating up innocent men & women because of who they love], but you are most certainly guilty of less offenses with the same effect. Denial.
It's human to be judgemental. The problem? We prioritize judgement, and without fail, our own pitfalls always make it to the bottom of the list- giving room to verbal assault against everything and everyone that doesn't fit into what we individually or collectively think is right and just. For instance, I can speak until I'm blue in the face about one's irresponsibility, despite the fact that I went to Miami for vacation rather than pay all of my bills. What makes one's irresponsibility more important than mine or yours? Denial that our life is not perfect, or even close to it.
People are different. That's the way the world was made. There is nothing we can do about it. Paying your bills, taking care of your family, being a responsible citizen, contributing to the economy, and constantly CONSTANTLY seeking self-enlightenment is something you have direct control over, and which deserves your unequivocal judgement.
I don't know guys, I'm just spent about this issue. It's so exhausting. It's like teaching 12th graders their ABCs. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ALREADY. Putting other people down to validate your own shortcomings is so blatantly obvious, it's nauseating.
I had intentions of making this a long-winded philosophical post, but it's like going in circles. Teaching grown people how to behave like real adults is futile when they can't get out of their own way.
It's human to be judgemental. The problem? We prioritize judgement, and without fail, our own pitfalls always make it to the bottom of the list- giving room to verbal assault against everything and everyone that doesn't fit into what we individually or collectively think is right and just. For instance, I can speak until I'm blue in the face about one's irresponsibility, despite the fact that I went to Miami for vacation rather than pay all of my bills. What makes one's irresponsibility more important than mine or yours? Denial that our life is not perfect, or even close to it.
People are different. That's the way the world was made. There is nothing we can do about it. Paying your bills, taking care of your family, being a responsible citizen, contributing to the economy, and constantly CONSTANTLY seeking self-enlightenment is something you have direct control over, and which deserves your unequivocal judgement.
I don't know guys, I'm just spent about this issue. It's so exhausting. It's like teaching 12th graders their ABCs. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ALREADY. Putting other people down to validate your own shortcomings is so blatantly obvious, it's nauseating.
I had intentions of making this a long-winded philosophical post, but it's like going in circles. Teaching grown people how to behave like real adults is futile when they can't get out of their own way.
Monday, October 04, 2010
No: The Operative Word
I can honestly say the one thing I regret about joining twitter is inadvertently coming across a trending topic #NWNW, or No Wedding No Womb. Aside from wishing the creator had taken 5 more minutes to come up with a better name- it makes my uterus uncomfortable, I think they are going about this issue all wrong. Basically, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, this website is dedicated to spreading the message of no children before marriage. I think that's a perfectly noble statement or movement to make. Seriously. It's more theoretical than realistic, but that's their right. My issues are strictly with the website and how they attempt to express their message.
After being given a brief overview, I searched for the website. I was more confused when I finally found it (The top site on Google Search is http://www.nwnw.org/- which is actually more useful and beneficial to the community). As someone trying to get basic information, I clicked on the FAQ link. Instead of giving the movement's background and history, the first question states, Is No Wedding No Womb! about bashing single moms? What does that have to do with why you started this website? Every FAQ only responds to criticism of the movement. I found it to be more defensive than informative. I figured I could get more information in the About Christelyn link. It provided great information about her background, but again, not the movement. Above all, I was thrown for a loop with the following... She is, most importantly, a mother of four children–three of them biracial–and has been married to her husband, Michael, (who just happens to be white) for eight happy, hectic years.
What does the race make-up of one's family have to do with wanting to promote no children before marriage, even if the direction is focused on the Black community? It pretty much insults my intelligence. Even if there are ignorant people in the world who think your view is either less/more valid because of the race of your husband, why would you respond to, mention, or imply the notion? Maybe I'm reading into it too much, and it was meant as an afterthought, but I am going to go with my gut on that one. Strictly from a writing/marketing perspective, fire whoever wrote that, even if it's yourself.
Lastly, I would like to address my issue with the movement because based on the tweets regarding this topic, people aren't taking it seriously (something to think about when promoting this project). No children before marriage is ideal, but not realistic. No matter how much you push a movement, change won't occur just because one says 'this is the right way.' What is this site doing to promote the movement, besides showing Baby Daddy clips of Divorce Court? Where is the media image of NWNW supporters visiting schools and Boys&Girls Club of America explaining the importance of education and taking care of the body? Are you handing out free condoms in your community to prevent pregnancy and STDs? Are you stressing the importance of what it means to be married, the history of marriage, and why the divorce rate is so high (partial answer: people get married for the wrong reasons, social expectations, fear of having children out-of-wedlock, etc.).
Ironically I do believe (hope) supporters go out into the community and promote change, but why isn't that being reflected on the website? I believe Chrystelan's intentions are absolutely for the improvement of our community. I get it, the idea isn't that you have to be married, but that you need to be more responsible when making choices that can or does lead to the result of having a child. On the other hand, I believe she and her supporters are misguided in their judgement. Saying that the state of single mothers is your business because you do the baby daddy's job by paying their WIC with your taxes' doesn't make you sound intelligent- it makes you sound bitter, even if rightfully so. Again, are you trying to make a point, or change?
It's all in perception and how you want to be perceived. NWNW makes sense (not that name though, it's dreadful and even worse when verbalized). The problem- it comes off as a gimmick. Gimmicks only get attention, not results. So if your main concern really is for the children, born and waiting to be, let us see and feel that. Otherwise you sound like the stereotypical Black woman with an attitude. #Imjustsaying (trend that)
After being given a brief overview, I searched for the website. I was more confused when I finally found it (The top site on Google Search is http://www.nwnw.org/- which is actually more useful and beneficial to the community). As someone trying to get basic information, I clicked on the FAQ link. Instead of giving the movement's background and history, the first question states, Is No Wedding No Womb! about bashing single moms? What does that have to do with why you started this website? Every FAQ only responds to criticism of the movement. I found it to be more defensive than informative. I figured I could get more information in the About Christelyn link. It provided great information about her background, but again, not the movement. Above all, I was thrown for a loop with the following... She is, most importantly, a mother of four children–three of them biracial–and has been married to her husband, Michael, (who just happens to be white) for eight happy, hectic years.
What does the race make-up of one's family have to do with wanting to promote no children before marriage, even if the direction is focused on the Black community? It pretty much insults my intelligence. Even if there are ignorant people in the world who think your view is either less/more valid because of the race of your husband, why would you respond to, mention, or imply the notion? Maybe I'm reading into it too much, and it was meant as an afterthought, but I am going to go with my gut on that one. Strictly from a writing/marketing perspective, fire whoever wrote that, even if it's yourself.
Lastly, I would like to address my issue with the movement because based on the tweets regarding this topic, people aren't taking it seriously (something to think about when promoting this project). No children before marriage is ideal, but not realistic. No matter how much you push a movement, change won't occur just because one says 'this is the right way.' What is this site doing to promote the movement, besides showing Baby Daddy clips of Divorce Court? Where is the media image of NWNW supporters visiting schools and Boys&Girls Club of America explaining the importance of education and taking care of the body? Are you handing out free condoms in your community to prevent pregnancy and STDs? Are you stressing the importance of what it means to be married, the history of marriage, and why the divorce rate is so high (partial answer: people get married for the wrong reasons, social expectations, fear of having children out-of-wedlock, etc.).
Ironically I do believe (hope) supporters go out into the community and promote change, but why isn't that being reflected on the website? I believe Chrystelan's intentions are absolutely for the improvement of our community. I get it, the idea isn't that you have to be married, but that you need to be more responsible when making choices that can or does lead to the result of having a child. On the other hand, I believe she and her supporters are misguided in their judgement. Saying that the state of single mothers is your business because you do the baby daddy's job by paying their WIC with your taxes' doesn't make you sound intelligent- it makes you sound bitter, even if rightfully so. Again, are you trying to make a point, or change?
It's all in perception and how you want to be perceived. NWNW makes sense (not that name though, it's dreadful and even worse when verbalized). The problem- it comes off as a gimmick. Gimmicks only get attention, not results. So if your main concern really is for the children, born and waiting to be, let us see and feel that. Otherwise you sound like the stereotypical Black woman with an attitude. #Imjustsaying (trend that)
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Unbreakable.
April 2006. November 2006. October 2010. My blog has had more highs and lows than Lindsey Lohan's career. I too, hit rock bottom. In the world of blogging that is. My passion for writing brought me to this blog in 2004. I can't believe it either. I was just a girl in NC, seeking to find an outlet for my mental thoughts. I was really excited about the possibilities for my blog, but within a year, the romance fizzled. In 2006, I moved to Jersey City, NJ. A brand new life started--with no job. So, I turned to the only friend that didn't mind my rambling. Good 'ole Opinionated Diva. That's my girl. I erased all of my previous posts to start anew, and she welcomed me with open arms, and I swore to be back with a vengeance (see post: Back For the First Time). And I was.... so I thought. Within a couple of months living in my new city, I found a job. My last post was in November 2006. What happened? Life. No, I didn't get married, have kids, or buy a home; just life.
I guess it is true what they say about your 20s. You think you know what you want, but you really don't. I thought my move here was going to catapult into a plus-modeling career. Not really, but you get my point. Sure I did a show here, a show there, mingled here, met someone there, I even auditioned (horribly I might add) for a broadway show. But that life wasn't me. I loved experiencing all of those things (except that audition- brutal), but being that person, wasn't my authentic self and it overshadowed my true passion, which is writing. I definitely don't regret any of my decisions during that time because I've met some wonderful lifetime friends and I can live my life knowing I did it. I still love fashion and join my girls for a catwalk or two, but it took living life and all that comes with it to get me to happy (so took that from Terry McMillan's book 'Getting to Happy' coming out in November- pick it up! :-)
I think I'm there. Ugh, I HATE writing these type of posts, b/c they are always so cliche- this time is going to be different, and blah blah blah. I'm not doing that this time around. All I know is that I love this blog sooooooo much. Like really, it's my baby. But we went from infancy to rebellious teen in a span of 6 years and both ran away from our responsibilities and are now trying to make amends. I thought about nixing the entire blog and starting completely over- new name-new face-new everything. But then I thought, why? Erasing the past won't mean it didn't exist; it just implies you are trying to forget your failures and I'm not going to do that. This is me, us.
It was so necessary for me to not go to sleep until I posted something on here. My olive branch to Opinionated Diva. I swear if she were a spouse- it's the kind you would want to have. So forgiving, this one. Anyway, it's 5:38 am on October 3, 2010 and I can't write much more (I actually could- that's how excited I am), but I do want to share with you my light bulb moment....
I love writing so much and my brain has opinions on a variety of subjects, but I didn't want to inundate my follower or 2 (hopefully more soon lol), so..... I created another blog!!! Yes, I did. Either go hard or go home is what I told myself this time around. Quickly, I haven't posted yet (i mean it is almost daybreak), but it is called the TD Newswire, and it is where I will be speaking on current events (with my opinion of course). It will be geared more towards keeping you informed, especially young adults. I have to say I was inspired by my friends/relatives who never know what I'm talking about when I ask them, "did you hear about ___ on the news." I just think knowing whats going on in our community, neighborhood, state, country, and world directly impacts us. Believe it or not, more so than Lindsey Lohan (sorry for the reference, but you set your own self up girlfriend). I digress.
But here, on Opinionated-Diva, as always I will pick up where I left off and continue to share with you my inner-most thoughts on all that life is, does, and will be.....Stay tuned ((singing A.Keys...cause there's more to see [unbreakable] through the technical difficulties-- so fitting, right?))
Love,
Tiff aka Opinionated Diva
PS: I left all of my old blogs up from years past b/c I actually still enjoy them, hope you do too...
I guess it is true what they say about your 20s. You think you know what you want, but you really don't. I thought my move here was going to catapult into a plus-modeling career. Not really, but you get my point. Sure I did a show here, a show there, mingled here, met someone there, I even auditioned (horribly I might add) for a broadway show. But that life wasn't me. I loved experiencing all of those things (except that audition- brutal), but being that person, wasn't my authentic self and it overshadowed my true passion, which is writing. I definitely don't regret any of my decisions during that time because I've met some wonderful lifetime friends and I can live my life knowing I did it. I still love fashion and join my girls for a catwalk or two, but it took living life and all that comes with it to get me to happy (so took that from Terry McMillan's book 'Getting to Happy' coming out in November- pick it up! :-)
I think I'm there. Ugh, I HATE writing these type of posts, b/c they are always so cliche- this time is going to be different, and blah blah blah. I'm not doing that this time around. All I know is that I love this blog sooooooo much. Like really, it's my baby. But we went from infancy to rebellious teen in a span of 6 years and both ran away from our responsibilities and are now trying to make amends. I thought about nixing the entire blog and starting completely over- new name-new face-new everything. But then I thought, why? Erasing the past won't mean it didn't exist; it just implies you are trying to forget your failures and I'm not going to do that. This is me, us.
It was so necessary for me to not go to sleep until I posted something on here. My olive branch to Opinionated Diva. I swear if she were a spouse- it's the kind you would want to have. So forgiving, this one. Anyway, it's 5:38 am on October 3, 2010 and I can't write much more (I actually could- that's how excited I am), but I do want to share with you my light bulb moment....
I love writing so much and my brain has opinions on a variety of subjects, but I didn't want to inundate my follower or 2 (hopefully more soon lol), so..... I created another blog!!! Yes, I did. Either go hard or go home is what I told myself this time around. Quickly, I haven't posted yet (i mean it is almost daybreak), but it is called the TD Newswire, and it is where I will be speaking on current events (with my opinion of course). It will be geared more towards keeping you informed, especially young adults. I have to say I was inspired by my friends/relatives who never know what I'm talking about when I ask them, "did you hear about ___ on the news." I just think knowing whats going on in our community, neighborhood, state, country, and world directly impacts us. Believe it or not, more so than Lindsey Lohan (sorry for the reference, but you set your own self up girlfriend). I digress.
But here, on Opinionated-Diva, as always I will pick up where I left off and continue to share with you my inner-most thoughts on all that life is, does, and will be.....Stay tuned ((singing A.Keys...cause there's more to see [unbreakable] through the technical difficulties-- so fitting, right?))
Love,
Tiff aka Opinionated Diva
PS: I left all of my old blogs up from years past b/c I actually still enjoy them, hope you do too...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)