April 2006. November 2006. October 2010. My blog has had more highs and lows than Lindsey Lohan's career. I too, hit rock bottom. In the world of blogging that is. My passion for writing brought me to this blog in 2004. I can't believe it either. I was just a girl in NC, seeking to find an outlet for my mental thoughts. I was really excited about the possibilities for my blog, but within a year, the romance fizzled. In 2006, I moved to Jersey City, NJ. A brand new life started--with no job. So, I turned to the only friend that didn't mind my rambling. Good 'ole Opinionated Diva. That's my girl. I erased all of my previous posts to start anew, and she welcomed me with open arms, and I swore to be back with a vengeance (see post: Back For the First Time). And I was.... so I thought. Within a couple of months living in my new city, I found a job. My last post was in November 2006. What happened? Life. No, I didn't get married, have kids, or buy a home; just life.
I guess it is true what they say about your 20s. You think you know what you want, but you really don't. I thought my move here was going to catapult into a plus-modeling career. Not really, but you get my point. Sure I did a show here, a show there, mingled here, met someone there, I even auditioned (horribly I might add) for a broadway show. But that life wasn't me. I loved experiencing all of those things (except that audition- brutal), but being that person, wasn't my authentic self and it overshadowed my true passion, which is writing. I definitely don't regret any of my decisions during that time because I've met some wonderful lifetime friends and I can live my life knowing I did it. I still love fashion and join my girls for a catwalk or two, but it took living life and all that comes with it to get me to happy (so took that from Terry McMillan's book 'Getting to Happy' coming out in November- pick it up! :-)
I think I'm there. Ugh, I HATE writing these type of posts, b/c they are always so cliche- this time is going to be different, and blah blah blah. I'm not doing that this time around. All I know is that I love this blog sooooooo much. Like really, it's my baby. But we went from infancy to rebellious teen in a span of 6 years and both ran away from our responsibilities and are now trying to make amends. I thought about nixing the entire blog and starting completely over- new name-new face-new everything. But then I thought, why? Erasing the past won't mean it didn't exist; it just implies you are trying to forget your failures and I'm not going to do that. This is me, us.
It was so necessary for me to not go to sleep until I posted something on here. My olive branch to Opinionated Diva. I swear if she were a spouse- it's the kind you would want to have. So forgiving, this one. Anyway, it's 5:38 am on October 3, 2010 and I can't write much more (I actually could- that's how excited I am), but I do want to share with you my light bulb moment....
I love writing so much and my brain has opinions on a variety of subjects, but I didn't want to inundate my follower or 2 (hopefully more soon lol), so..... I created another blog!!! Yes, I did. Either go hard or go home is what I told myself this time around. Quickly, I haven't posted yet (i mean it is almost daybreak), but it is called the TD Newswire, and it is where I will be speaking on current events (with my opinion of course). It will be geared more towards keeping you informed, especially young adults. I have to say I was inspired by my friends/relatives who never know what I'm talking about when I ask them, "did you hear about ___ on the news." I just think knowing whats going on in our community, neighborhood, state, country, and world directly impacts us. Believe it or not, more so than Lindsey Lohan (sorry for the reference, but you set your own self up girlfriend). I digress.
But here, on Opinionated-Diva, as always I will pick up where I left off and continue to share with you my inner-most thoughts on all that life is, does, and will be.....Stay tuned ((singing A.Keys...cause there's more to see [unbreakable] through the technical difficulties-- so fitting, right?))
Love,
Tiff aka Opinionated Diva
PS: I left all of my old blogs up from years past b/c I actually still enjoy them, hope you do too...
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Group(ie) Effort
Ahh, if only we had the life. You know- the money, the cars, the status; the things available to those who live luxuriously doing the job they love. I'm talking about being the ultimate symbol of man: an athlete. I was watching the Tyra Banks show and the topic was male athletes and relationships. Initially, I wasn't going to talk about this because the topic is so overrated, but I felt it was partially one sided, and needed to be addressed. I tuned in at half-time (pun intended), but I caught the most important segment: Oh yes, the groupies!
There were three ladies on stage, all whom professed their physical attraction to the male athlete, NBA players in particular. They had no qualms about making it priority to be in the right place at the right time in order to meet them. However, no one considered themselves a groupie. One, a self-proclaimed "tom-boy" said her attraction to athletes was a result of having four older brothers. Understandable; but what isn't so clear is her choice to wait outside the locker room after games. This is the first lesson in Groupie 101. The other two ladies disagreed whole-heartedly with Ms. Tom Boy and explained they never wait outside locker rooms, and that players approach them, not vice verse. Also understandable, but if this is truly the case, and she is not a groupie, why appear on the Tyra Banks show to begin with, especially when the topic is about NBA players and "groupies?" Perhaps these women went on the show for their own personal gain. I can't blame them, it definitely says alot about the entertainment business and upholds the Hollywood virtue no publicity is bad publicity. Before making the assumption that I believe these women are in fact groupies, I will discuss the NBA players' wives and what they had to say about these type of women.
NBA star Doug Christie and his wife, Jackie, have the traditional understanding between most players and their wives: they vow never to cheat and have established trust, blah blah blah. I am not discounting this is true, but I think it is typical in any marriage, and as much as we want to concede, being married to an athlete is different than being married to a non-athlete or celebrity, or socialite for that matter. Of course any man can cheat, but the only way women are going to be waiting at Jon Doe's hotel room is if he makes the arrangements. Just when I thought this was going to be the typical NBA wife talk, along comes Utah Jazz NBA player Andrei Lopatova and his wife Masha. They have an agreement in which Andrei gets a "free pass" once a year to sleep with another woman if the urge arises. Excuse me? I was shocked when I heard this statement. Not because I think it is a stupid idea for her marriage, if it works for her, then it works for her; who am I to judge. Reasoning behind the "agreement" is what bothered me. She made the statment, more than once, that it is in a man's nature to want to be with other women, and that she understands her husband has needs. In her defense, Andrei states he has never taken her up on the offer and has no desire too, and Masha doesn't have the agreement for herself because she is satisfied at home.
Now, for my point of view(finally! I hate giving synopses!). I actually side with all of the women on Tyra's show. There has to be a certain level of understanding and trust for professional athlete marriages to work. And for some, giving a "free pass" may be the ultimate symbol of trust. In this case the woman is confident enough in her husband that she can make this type of agreement and her husband never cheat; whereas with many similar marriages, it is absolutely out of the question to agree on those terms, he cheats anyway, then lies about it and ultimately makes an ass out of himself (i.e. Kobe Bryant). What works for one marriage may not work for another, but Masha's statement regarding a man's nature to want other women must be addressed. As I have always said in the past, women and men are wired differently in terms of sex and love, but that does not mean it is natural for men to cheat. All men cheat: Yes. Is it in their nature? No. The ideal of what it means to be a man is not an innate ability given at birth, it is a social condition that has taken residency, particularly in American culture. For a woman to believe men are genetically designed to have sex outside of a monogamous relationship is a lifetime free pass, not just once a year. More importantly, this conclusion does not encourage female independence in intimate relationships. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. IT IS NOT OK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND TO CHEAT.
At the same time, I think it is a supression of common sense to think any one couple in the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, etc is immune from adultery because they have trust. I know it is a major part of any relationship, dishonesty is my own personal enemy #1. However, women in these type of relationships must be realistic of the lifestyle they enter when involved with a professional athlete; there are women who know you are a wife, and still want your husband. This brings me to my next point, Why was this show only about groupies and not the men who actually have sex with them. Athletes know better than any "groupie" that there is a wife and children at home. Why does the stigma fall on the women as if athletes are drugged, seduced, made to buy lavish gifts, or have a secret rendevous? Do they not think of their family, or their career and reputation (i.e. Kobe Bryant)? Everyone is an adult in this type of situation. A woman can be standing outside the locker room naked, but the man that respects and loves you as the woman in his life will leave her standing as if she is the ugliest woman on earth. Of course, he will look, stare, gawk, and probably talk about it with the boys, but he will be loyal. No amount of money or status is worth any woman defining her relationship by the material things she receives, not even a $4 million dollar pink diamond ring. No man is ever sorry for cheating, only sorry that he gets caught. To say it was a mistake demoralizes the woman he slept with because he wasn't sorry when he slept with her. And for those women who call "groupies" skanks, tramps, or the like, I pose a question: what does that make the athlete who knowingly sleeps with her? Do not be ignorant in the form of denial, then hide it in the form of acceptance and forgiveness: the result will be you apologizing more to yourself than the man who cheated on you.
In closing, I want to comment on why I do not totally disagree with the women labeled as "groupies." To paraphrase, just because a woman did not play in the sandbox, or go to high school/college with a professional athlete before she becomes involved with him, does not make her a groupie. Standing outside the locker room is a stretch, but then again, who really is the groupie if the athlete knows exactly where to find her? I understand there are women who want athletes exclusively for the things mentioned earlier in this piece, but if athletes are more proactive by not participating in this type of behavior, groupies will become less of a concern everywhere. That statement is more idealogical than rationale, so the rest is really up to the the athletes and those who love to love them.
There were three ladies on stage, all whom professed their physical attraction to the male athlete, NBA players in particular. They had no qualms about making it priority to be in the right place at the right time in order to meet them. However, no one considered themselves a groupie. One, a self-proclaimed "tom-boy" said her attraction to athletes was a result of having four older brothers. Understandable; but what isn't so clear is her choice to wait outside the locker room after games. This is the first lesson in Groupie 101. The other two ladies disagreed whole-heartedly with Ms. Tom Boy and explained they never wait outside locker rooms, and that players approach them, not vice verse. Also understandable, but if this is truly the case, and she is not a groupie, why appear on the Tyra Banks show to begin with, especially when the topic is about NBA players and "groupies?" Perhaps these women went on the show for their own personal gain. I can't blame them, it definitely says alot about the entertainment business and upholds the Hollywood virtue no publicity is bad publicity. Before making the assumption that I believe these women are in fact groupies, I will discuss the NBA players' wives and what they had to say about these type of women.
NBA star Doug Christie and his wife, Jackie, have the traditional understanding between most players and their wives: they vow never to cheat and have established trust, blah blah blah. I am not discounting this is true, but I think it is typical in any marriage, and as much as we want to concede, being married to an athlete is different than being married to a non-athlete or celebrity, or socialite for that matter. Of course any man can cheat, but the only way women are going to be waiting at Jon Doe's hotel room is if he makes the arrangements. Just when I thought this was going to be the typical NBA wife talk, along comes Utah Jazz NBA player Andrei Lopatova and his wife Masha. They have an agreement in which Andrei gets a "free pass" once a year to sleep with another woman if the urge arises. Excuse me? I was shocked when I heard this statement. Not because I think it is a stupid idea for her marriage, if it works for her, then it works for her; who am I to judge. Reasoning behind the "agreement" is what bothered me. She made the statment, more than once, that it is in a man's nature to want to be with other women, and that she understands her husband has needs. In her defense, Andrei states he has never taken her up on the offer and has no desire too, and Masha doesn't have the agreement for herself because she is satisfied at home.
Now, for my point of view(finally! I hate giving synopses!). I actually side with all of the women on Tyra's show. There has to be a certain level of understanding and trust for professional athlete marriages to work. And for some, giving a "free pass" may be the ultimate symbol of trust. In this case the woman is confident enough in her husband that she can make this type of agreement and her husband never cheat; whereas with many similar marriages, it is absolutely out of the question to agree on those terms, he cheats anyway, then lies about it and ultimately makes an ass out of himself (i.e. Kobe Bryant). What works for one marriage may not work for another, but Masha's statement regarding a man's nature to want other women must be addressed. As I have always said in the past, women and men are wired differently in terms of sex and love, but that does not mean it is natural for men to cheat. All men cheat: Yes. Is it in their nature? No. The ideal of what it means to be a man is not an innate ability given at birth, it is a social condition that has taken residency, particularly in American culture. For a woman to believe men are genetically designed to have sex outside of a monogamous relationship is a lifetime free pass, not just once a year. More importantly, this conclusion does not encourage female independence in intimate relationships. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. It is not OK for your boyfriend or husband to cheat. IT IS NOT OK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND OR HUSBAND TO CHEAT.
At the same time, I think it is a supression of common sense to think any one couple in the NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, etc is immune from adultery because they have trust. I know it is a major part of any relationship, dishonesty is my own personal enemy #1. However, women in these type of relationships must be realistic of the lifestyle they enter when involved with a professional athlete; there are women who know you are a wife, and still want your husband. This brings me to my next point, Why was this show only about groupies and not the men who actually have sex with them. Athletes know better than any "groupie" that there is a wife and children at home. Why does the stigma fall on the women as if athletes are drugged, seduced, made to buy lavish gifts, or have a secret rendevous? Do they not think of their family, or their career and reputation (i.e. Kobe Bryant)? Everyone is an adult in this type of situation. A woman can be standing outside the locker room naked, but the man that respects and loves you as the woman in his life will leave her standing as if she is the ugliest woman on earth. Of course, he will look, stare, gawk, and probably talk about it with the boys, but he will be loyal. No amount of money or status is worth any woman defining her relationship by the material things she receives, not even a $4 million dollar pink diamond ring. No man is ever sorry for cheating, only sorry that he gets caught. To say it was a mistake demoralizes the woman he slept with because he wasn't sorry when he slept with her. And for those women who call "groupies" skanks, tramps, or the like, I pose a question: what does that make the athlete who knowingly sleeps with her? Do not be ignorant in the form of denial, then hide it in the form of acceptance and forgiveness: the result will be you apologizing more to yourself than the man who cheated on you.
In closing, I want to comment on why I do not totally disagree with the women labeled as "groupies." To paraphrase, just because a woman did not play in the sandbox, or go to high school/college with a professional athlete before she becomes involved with him, does not make her a groupie. Standing outside the locker room is a stretch, but then again, who really is the groupie if the athlete knows exactly where to find her? I understand there are women who want athletes exclusively for the things mentioned earlier in this piece, but if athletes are more proactive by not participating in this type of behavior, groupies will become less of a concern everywhere. That statement is more idealogical than rationale, so the rest is really up to the the athletes and those who love to love them.
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