The inspiration for this post came from a conversation with girlfriends at a diner in Manhattan (which will remain nameless unless #1 they pay me for the free promotion or #2 they promote my blog- for free). It's actually a 2-parter: 1 for the ladies, and 1 for the fellas. The even better news? We get to talk about sex!
When one woman has a problem, all women have a problem because if we haven't experienced it yet, we will. On the flip side, if any of this has to do with a man, guys... just listen and learn. As a result, I felt compelled to share my thoughts on a couple of subjects in terms of relationships and sex. Do I have a man? No. Do I have sex? None of your damn business. Just know that I know what I'm talking about on this one, trust me.
LADIES
The topic of the day: orgasms. Oh yes, don't be afraid of the word. Say it. Internalize it. Visualize it. Do you feel it? Nothing? Eh, I figured as much. There is no woman on earth that has experienced an orgasm EVERY time they have sex. It's impossible. Not that it can't happen every time, but that it's happened to you every time. If you are reading this and think, 'She must not know me,' or 'I get mine every time,' or yada yada yada, then yes, I'm talking to you too. But not now, the first step is admitting denial, and we don't have that kind of time. If you are reading this and have accepted that yes, time and again, you do not climax during sex-keep reading. Ladies, we know that 9 times out of 10, for whatever reason, your partner will ask if you climaxed. I don't know who told guys to do that. It's just irrational thinking to ask during, or even after it's over. I will address that with them, but I digress. Seriously, what are the options? Go there, or say whatever you have to say to satisfy his ego in that moment. ((I feel laser beams destroying this blog post as I type)). Hear me out. I am not saying to accept or deny what's happening (or not) in the bedroom. Of course women should be satisfied, but why even go there with him? Like at that very moment? It's just going to exhaust you, and he's already exhausted: more than likely he did climax and this conversation is going to be one-sided- he will be sleep in the next 2 minutes. In addition, at least 1% of the men who ask do so because the look on your face during sex said I really need to get a manicure this weekend. The take-home message is having sex, making love, whatever you call it, is just as much a mental feeling as it is physical. We already know it takes more muscles to frown, so turn that frown upside down, and have the discussion when the time is right, or as my friend said- neutral (meaning- clothes on). If it really sucks that bad, get out of the relationship! 50% of marriages end in divorce, and it's not because of the kids, or the mortgage, or... it's infidelity aka S.E.X. But I won't even go down that road, it's a whoooole other blog entry.
GENTLEMEN
Fellas, fellas, fellas, fellas! I just don't know where to start. Well yes I do: why do you ask questions during sex!? Not the good kind, we like those. I mean, the kind that pretty much requires us to lie, or hurt your feelings- pick your poison (thanks for the phrase- you know who you are!). You see that long preceding paragraph? Do you know why I had to write that paragraph? You guessed it. So, what if I didn't climax, then what? That's like me asking if I look fat in a certain outfit - there is a 50% chance or better you will lie to me. The difference between women and men is that when we ask, we know you are going to lie. And we are ok with it. Because underneath the lie, your intention is for our emotional benefit. I get it, and on behalf of women I thank you (even if they might not agree with me). However, this does not let you off the hook. We are all adults here right; ok, so you know your girl is not going to climax EVERY time? You must?! So why ruin the intimacy by asking something you will NEVER know the answer to. If you are reading this and think, 'she must not know me,' or 'I make my girl climax every time,' or 'I know when my girl climaxes and when she doesn't,' or yada yada yada, then yes I'm talking to you too. You can watch porn until your DVD has scratches on it, but that is not real life. Those guys asking? Yeah, they get paid good money to ask that. Don't even try to understand. You see, I'm on your side; I mean in terms of women telling you what you need to hear. Think of it as reciprocity, the whole intention for emotional benefit bit. BUT, we could eliminate all of that if you just stick to the good questions! What you need to know: the very act of us laying with you is confirmation enough that we aim to please you. Don't get me wrong, you better put in the work to please your partner as well. And believe me, if it's not up to par, we will tell you- in time. But until then, keep the bedroom talk nice and dirty. And if your girl gives you "that "face, just say- You want me to get you a manicure this weekend Baby? [Que fireworks and halo]
2 comments:
Great post. First, as a man, I NEVER ask that question b/c I already know the answer most times, but at the same time I do like to make sure I try everything I can to make sure my lady enjoys herself. I think the ones that ask the question are trying to prove their "manhood" or boost their egos. Thankfully I don't need that kind of validation.
i love you..... you were my 1st love i know that you may not like me now but FYI I STIL THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY!!!!
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