Big Girls Don't Cry!!!

Why did I not get that memo!?? If I had a diary, I would write this entry there; but, I need to share my experiences. How can I offer a perspective on all that life is, does, and will be, if I cannot incorporate my own life? Dear Diary...

I could write a novel on the stress that has been consuming my thought processes and actions lately. I do not share my problems with others because #1: They cannot [literally] do anything about it, #2: Why bring someone else down with my troubles?, #3: It is, after all, my problem. I deal with stress differently than most: I cry. I know, everybody cries at some point due to stress. My stressful experiences, however, compound and multiply in a matter of moments. The only way I can describe it to imagine your chest becoming heavier and heavier, then the thought of everything you have to deal with when you open your eyes makes it hard for you to breathe. Could I be going through a mild depression-like episode? Maybe. Could I be having an anxiety attack? Possibly. But experiencing what I did today has no clinical textbook definition.

I truly believe there is a right time & place for everything, even if it may not seem so to everyone else. Yet, the right time could be meaningless if it does not evoke the response one needs. Of course, crying will not make problems go away, but it is a release. I know society uses the phrase He/She will cry at the drop of a hat, but today I found that this phrase is categorically wrong. I do not consider myself an emotional person: if I was, I am sure I would cry at the sign of any stress, no matter how small. But today I learned that one can never understand what a person has on their mind & and in their heart at any given moment. My episode was sparked by something so innocent and non-threatening, I surprised myself and, of course, the person who unfortunately witnessed it. Then again, was it truly an unfortunate event?

I can only imagine I looked like a fool. I was embarassed of course. But, after thinking about it, and sharing my feelings, I feel liberated in a sense. Tomorrow is another day; but for right now, I know that there could have not been a better time for me to just be. Be whatever I was feeling; Be whomever I needed in order to release, and finally, breathe. Maybe big girls do cry afterall, and are better for it...