When I was in college, I had only one boyfriend under my belt. I wish the world would have prepared me sooner-I would have had at least five! As soon as the first guy told me I was pretty, I automatically thought he likes me. My second thought was, he could be my boyfriend. Not the best judgement, I know. While college is only four years of your life, those fortunate [or unfortunate] enough to experience it will agree it is an accelerated course in life, sex, & relationships.
I first heard this term no strings attached in college. At the time I thought, I will never get involved with someone if I can't see him being my boyfriend. If you are in college, save yourself the turmoil! If you are out of college, save yourself the turmoil! I have come to realize that there is alot wrong with strings, and alot right with them. I will go through the pros and cons of this dichotemy, while attempting to stay objective and fair to both sides.
Women, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be involved with someone with no strings attached. It is a clearly recognized double standard with women in relation to men. Women are expected to be "marriage material" at a time when men are "being men." When I was a teenager, I thought I would be married with children by the time I was 25, and I was happy with that notion. Then I came back to reality. There is NOTHING wrong with this decision, if one so chooses to make it; but why should a women who chooses to not be married, or engaged, or with a longterm boyfriend, become part of an outcast society? No matter what age a woman is, she has the right to be whatever, and with whomever. Some think that a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, but it absolutely has a psychogical effect. A couple can be together for 5 years, and the moment they get married, it's over within 1 year? Part of the problem is that we have succomb to the societal time line that emphasizes we be at a certain place in life at a certain age; this results in the sanctity of marriage being sacrificed in order to beat a deadline. Sounds ridiculous when written, correct? Theoretically, this is what has happened. As women, I think if one chooses to not have a relationship, it doesn't make her less appealing, or less likely to find someone if she decides to commit. As long as you are safe and put your health and feelings first, whatever relationship path you choose, it is going to be the right path for you.
Now: the cons. There is not one woman who can get involved with someone and the possibility of a future not cross their mind. It has always been my philosophy that the nature of attraction is the possibility of something greater than what you see in the present. Scientifically, I do believe women's brains are wired differently than men in terms of sex and love (with a few* exceptions). Sure, there are instances where a woman says, well, the sex is great so I will just keep him around. Ladies, do not fool yourself: sexual pleasure [more often than not] is an underlying feeling of a deeper emotion. It may start that way, but being sexually involved will lead to emotional feelings-guarranteed. I'm sure there are women who will dispute this statement, but I firmly stand by my words. I know from experience, it is hard to accept disappointment when possibilty fades, and you realize there is no future with this person. You will say anything enough times until your own feelings are validated (i.e. He was just someone to have sex with anyway...). I do not understand why being upfront about what you want "scares men off." Agreeing to see someone with no strings attached voids any possibilty of a future. Even if things become more involved; the minute you get too close, or he sleeps with another woman; no strings attached. You can be involved with the same man for years, and if you ever told him there are no strings attached, it will be embedded in his brain like knowing our ABCs. If you are a woman and are looking for more than a sexual relationship, you should not be afraid to express that; if it scares a man away, he is not the man for you. More than anything, look for honesty in a man: he should respect that same quality in you.
The idea of no strings attached for women is a complicated one because we are damned if we do and damned if we dont. I will not say the pros outweight the cons, or vice verse. I will say be wary of using the term, or agreeing to start a relationship based on the term, sexual or otherwise. Does anyone even know where the term originated? I always thought the purpose of strings were to be tied? So, I went through this whole schpeel when I could have started and ended the discussion with one sentence??! Ahh well, as is life...
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